Forever
by Gumdrop1
Summary: (VelmaRoxie) Femslash…Roxie remembers…This takes place during and after the movie.


Title: Forever

Author: Gumdrop

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't Chicago or anything to do with it, this is just for fun please don't sue.

Summary: (Velma/Roxie) Femslash…Roxie remembers…This takes place during and after the movie.

Author's Notes: This is a song fic to Michelle Branch's "All You Wanted". Lyrics are in italics. I was actually in the middle of writing another Chicago when this little plot bunny bit me in the butt. It's my first Chicago story, and my first slash story. I hope I do both justice. Now on to the story!

I remember the first time I saw you on stage. The way you moved, the sound of your voice, the look in your eyes. I wanted nothing more then to be up there on stage, just like you. Just like you.

_I wanted to be like you  
I wanted everything  
So I tried to be like you  
And I got swept away_

I had no idea at that moment just how like you I really would become. But later, after I killed Fred Casely, when I looked into that mirror I saw you in my own reflection. And I knew, we weren't as different as I had thought.

_I didn't know that it was so cold  
And you needed someone  
to show you the way  
So I took your hand and we figured out  
That when the time comes  
I'd take you away_

As I sat there in that paddy wagon on the way to the Cook County Jail I thought of you. I thought that if you, my idol, the great Velma Kelly could make it, so could I. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven seeing you there. So beautiful and aloof, even in jail, everything I ever wanted to be. But I soon came to realize that the aloofness was not just part of the act. You seemed so cold, so uncaring. But later I would learn that you had been made that way. Jaded by the very life I wanted so desperately. But I stayed with you anyway, followed you as if you were still the misrepresentation from my fantasies. Because maybe if there was someone there with you, someone to protect you from the cold maybe you could escape from all the terrible truths in your life. Maybe we both could.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares  
_

I remember that first night, so long ago, when I realized just how badly you needed someone to care about you. I found you crying silently in your cell. Your face to the wall you didn't even turn around when I sat down beside you. You buried your face in the bed, not wanting to be caught crying. I rubbed your back and for the longest time you said nothing, you didn't even open your eyes. I figured you probably thought it was Mama. But you didn't, you knew me just as I knew you.

"Roxie." You whispered, barely audible. "Will you stay till I fall asleep?" I crawled into bed beside you. I laid my arm across your waist, taking your hand and lacing our fingers together.

"Sure." And I did. We never spoke of that moment. The next day you ignored me. I didn't push you, I understood, oh how I understood. You kept me out of reach, making sure everyone thought you hated me. And you did, after all, we've always had a love/hate relationship. But I know you never forgot, you warned be about Billy before my press conference. Your way of showing you hadn't forgotten.

_I'm sinking slowly  
So hurry hold me  
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on  
Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone_

As I laid crying on my own cot I realized that Billy had been right. I was some dumb common criminal. How could I have been so blind? So stupid? They hung her, the Hunyak, she was innocent and they hung her anyway. They'd hang me too, of course they would, it would be a much better show that way. With me on the wrong end of a noose. What would happen then? Would I go to hell for killing Fred? Was there a hell? Or was death just an empty void of nothingness like the dark empty stage I could never seem to make it onto.

My eyes were closed so I didn't see you approach. I didn't have to, I knew you were there. I felt the mattress sink behind me. felt the warmth of your body against mine as you wrapped yourself around me and took my hand, lacing our fingers together.

"I'm scared Velma." I whispered. I felt you nuzzle my neck in an attempt to comfort me. And I felt your breath on my neck as I heard you whisper back to me.

"It'll be all right Roxie." My face contorted and I started to cry harder.

"No it won't." I began to sob. "I fired Billy." You sighed.

"It will be ok. Trust me." I nodded my head and slowly started to calm down, because I really did trust you.

"Velma?"

"Mmm?" You murmur.

"Will you stay until I fall asleep?"

"Sure." And you did. And the next day Billy was there in the conference room waiting for me. I apologized and he tossed me that lampshade of a dress and told me to never do anything like that again. I nodded dumbly, thankfully.

He was there because of you wasn't he? Because you talked him into giving me a second chance. I always meant to ask you that. But I guess it doesn't matter now, in my heart I know it was you. It was always you.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares_

I was hurt when I found out that Fred had lied to me. I felt betrayed. But I was never as angry, as devastated as I was that day in court. Watching you take the stand to testify against me. I had trusted you, I had loved you.

I made two vows to myself at that moment. One, I would never forgive you for betraying my trust. Two, I was keeping your garter.

Later you told me that you knew that Billy would get me off. I believed you. I had to believe you, because despite everything I was still in love with you.

Ok, so I lied about the first one. But the second one was true, I never did give you your garter back.

_All you wanted was somebody who cares  
If you need me you know I'll be there  
Oh, yeah  
_

I am thankful for what happened. Because as I think back I think it was all for the best. It kept you from having to go to trial yourself . And Billy did get me off. So in a strange way I guess the two of us took care of each other even then.

_If you want to  
I can save you  
I can take you away from here  
So lonely inside  
So busy out there  
And all you wanted  
was somebody who cares_

Looking down on you, with your torn stocking, was a humbling experience. You tried to cover it up quickly, hoping that I didn't see, but you knew I did. And I saw a lot more than that…I saw you up on stage, the only time you ever had the chance to do it alone…I saw my lost reflection in that mirror after I shot Fred Casely…but most of all I saw you lying in your cell, crying. And despite all that I had been through on my own I still remembered how warm it was with you lying next to me while I drifted off to sleep. I understood then, it wasn't that we couldn't do it alone, it's that we were meant to do it together.

_Please can you tell me  
So I can finally see  
Where you go when you're gone_

And now we're here. Forty years later I am standing in a cemetery beside your coffin thinking about how forty years with you wasn't nearly enough. I place the blood red rose in my hand on the lid of your coffin and bend down to place a kiss there as well. Who knew that the last time you whispered goodnight would truly be the last? I feel the tears start to run down my cheeks and I nod to the workers. They begin to lower you into the cold dark ground. The chill of the February air makes me shiver and think back to that first night in jail, and how warmer it was when you were beside me. I'll never feel your warmth again will I? All those cold dark nights I will spend alone from now on. I know I'm angry, but it's not at you. I don't blame you. I'm just so lost without you. I asked you once where you thought we went when we died, but you, having never been much on philosophical questions, never did answer me.

This is the first night in forty years I will be sleeping alone. But as I lie here now in this cold empty bed I feel a warm breath on my neck and I realized that you have answered my question after all. Death is not punishment, and now I know that when it is my time I will be with you again, that I will crawl into bed beside you, I will lay my arm across your waist, taking your hand and lacing our fingers together. And I will sleep, forever, with you.


End file.
